Peace&Quiet = a time to reflect

Its quite tonight, same as all other night for the last week or so. Parent have left for Hong Kong, which make me home alone in this big old house. Its nice I guess, come home from work and just relax a little. No talking, no shouting. No noise apart from my own breathing and thinking. I guess this kind of peace and quiet with the addiction of events from work help bought on this random blogging tonight.
Have been in this industry - Tester for 2 years now. Have been a great learning curve for me, learning about how different industry work together. How to communicate to client, all the political stuff that get involve with different department during the whole project cycle. I have also meet alot of interesting people along the way. People I look up to, people I share my thoughts with and people which just completely piss me off every single day.
But I guess what I really want to reflect on, is my own development in this role. Which is NOT ALOT.... hard to say, but I really think I ain't doing so well.
My workmate kind of gave me a mental slap in the face today. We were discussing the new job role advertising on the job website, as one of our senior tester is leaving so they are now currently hiring another intermediate tester to replace her. Salary is of course higher then me. Of course I started talking and discussing the chances of getting a payrise. Workmate kinda said I am a junior tester, if I want to get anything more I have to step up with the game. To get what I want I have to work for it, and PROOF that I am worth the amount. With that said she gave me a smile. *Wham* ... reality check... it is true.. I haven't been doing a good job as a Tester, track record is not all good. I might be hard working and willing to do long hours, but I have a tendency to skip little detail which end up to be MAJOR PROBLEM for a company. aiii.... kinda sad.... I know I can do it, I just hope I can proof it to them in time. With this comment from workmate, gives me more doubt of my move to Sydney. What if I don't get a job.. what if I don't get back into my industry.. how do I support myself ??? I am not getting any younger, I need a secure financial feeling or else I will be a no use bum as I reach my 30.... >.< argghhhh....
Suggestion welcome.... any course I can attend?? extra qualification ??? what to do what to do...
all this worry... I dont like it.. T_T ... I want to achieve... I want to get a higher salary.. I want to be a senior tester >.< ... I know I can do it.. I just have to get myself off my butt and actually do something about it. Time for some serious work.. study... self improvement!!!!!
No more random gaming at night... no more just seating around doing nothing... time to head to the library and read up on stuff that will help me in my career ... >.<

Give me the strength to achieve my goal.. pleaseeeeee!!!!!

>.< ... no more ... NO MOREEEEEEEEE..... no more having parent worry about me... I will proof to all I can do this...